The Break Up
by cuter-than-a-guinea-pig
Summary: Blaine has been feeling ignored and unwanted since Kurt moved to New York. It's tearing him up inside and he's reached his breaking point, flying to New York to confront his boyfriend and escape the darkness that has recently surrounded their relationship. Basically, the break up episode if Blaine had gotten to Kurt before Eli got to him.


Blaine took a heavy sigh looking down at his shoes which he had now stopped along the lamp lit path within the trees of central park. His shoulders were slumped and Kurt couldn't help his eyes from constantly drifting down to Blaine's pockets and the way his hands were tucked deep within them. Usually, Blaine's had would be twined sure and strong with his. Now, his own hands felt awkward in a way. Mimicking Blaine and putting them in his pockets felt too constricting, crossing his arms felt too closed off, and yet just letting them hang freely as he walked felt the worst. They felt as heavy as cement bricks and he could not ignore the way they clenched around the air, almost to the point where his muscles were cramping up, in order to seek a grasp, an anchor, but were left unsatisfied and empty.

Unfortunately, his boyfriend's hands were not the only sign that there was something wrong. 'Teenage Dream' was supposed to be just that, a dream. A dream that took him back to that early day in November two years ago that he still considered to be the best day of his life. It wasn't supposed to be twisted into the nightmare that Kurt witnessed where Blaine's bright golden eyes were cast into the shadows of utter sorrow and heartbreak and desperation. The only light Kurt could see in them while he struggled through the song was from the unforgiving stage lights reflecting off his boyfriend's tears that were threatening to drown the boy who suddenly look so small and helpless. It wasn't coming from within. That light within him had broken.

As soon as Blaine had returned to their table, Kurt had asked him about what was bothering him but Blaine had simply brushed him off. Kurt could see it was a lie by the way he remained distant and on edge. He refused to look in Kurt's direction or participate in conversation he was constantly shifting in his seat.

Now though, alone in the heart of central park where silence had settled impossibly over the city the never sleeps, it seemed that Kurt was finally going to get an answer. Nothing about Blaine's defeated demeanour suggested that anything had been solved however, and so Kurt held his breath, now truly afraid of what might follow, a part of him hoping Blaine would simply shrug him off again.

"I think we should break up," Blaine admitted quietly into the still, night air. Despite its faintness, there was a determination in his voice though that told Kurt that this was not a whim. This was something Blaine had though through thoroughly and had not come to the decision lightly. And yet as sure as Blaine must have been, Kurt was left completely baffled.

He knew things had changed since he had moved to New York. He missed everything about having Blaine close to him. He missed the sweet smell of his raspberry hair gel that mixed perfectly his sandalwood cologne. He missed feeling Blaine's strong arms wrap around his waist and feeling his chest press flush to his, melting them together in a way. Blaine had a way of surrounding him that made him seem twice his actual size and it was in Blaine's arms that he always felt the safest. And he missed touching Blaine, feeling his muscles move beneath his hand and the warmth of his tanned skin. He missed Blaine the most when he was stressed over work or annoyed at Rachel and not having him there just made those bad days worse but he did not think the distance was taking that big of a toll.

"W-why?" Kurt stuttered, suddenly just as desperate as Blaine had been earlier.

"It's just too hard," Blaine answered with wide eyes that seemed to plead for Kurt to understand.

He didn't though and that's what made this all even worse. Blaine's words were such a shock that it was if he had been punched in the gut, knocking the wind out of him and making it impossible the breath normally and begin to form some sort of solution. Even if he wasn't choking on his own breath though, Kurt wouldn't even know where to begin because he still didn't understand the problem. He was lost and desperate and that made the pain in his chest greater and the tears start to well.

"I'm so sorry, Kurt," Blaine continued. "I didn't want to hurt you. Please don't cry. I'm sorry."

"How could you think this wouldn't hurt?" he questioned incredulously. "You're breaking up with me and I don't even know why. I didn't even know anything was wrong. All you had to do was tell me and we could've fixed it."

"But that was the problem," Blaine said with defeat eyes sinking back to the ground and shoulder sinking as he shook his head. It was as if that was a test, Kurt's final chance and he failed.

"What? Kurt asked, brows furrowing in confusion.

"You really have no idea, do you?" Blaine pondered out loud and Kurt swore he could hear the mature, wise, mentor that he had originally met in his voice.

"No," Kurt answered, shaking his head and wiping a few of the tears from his cheek. "I'm sorry but I'm so lost. Before tonight, I honestly thought everything was just as good as it had always been," he explained apologetically. "Please, Blaine, just tell me and we can sort this out. Please. And I know this is serious. I get that you've already thought this through and this was a last resort but please. I just- I'm a part of this relationship too. I need to be a part of this too."

"Okay," Blaine conceded, his eyes softening visibly. "Okay, let's go somewhere and talk."

They ended just heading back to the loft. Rachel and Finn were there too but they were both being very quiet and keeping to themselves so it was easy enough to disappear into his room. Kurt hoped that Blaine would feel comfortable because the loft was technically his turf. It would have been nice to go somewhere more neutral but really, he was the one who lived in New York and so the entire city was his. The loft, at least, could give them some privacy but it all just reminded Kurt of how brave Blaine was, to come to New York and surrender his own familiarity so he could at least do this in person.

"Would you like some tea?" Kurt asked hesitantly as they stepped out of their shoes.

"If you're making it," Blaine answered with a small smile.

"Okay, I'll be right there," he replied, nodding towards his bedroom before turning to the kitchen. He was relieved to be alone with a task. He had been on edge walking the rest of the home with Blaine, second guessing every step as if moving too quickly or too slowly or even accidentally bumping shoulders with Blaine could ruin any slim chance he had left. There was still a part of him that didn't want to let Blaine out of his sight knowing that the last time he did that, when he moved to New York, was what had led them here. He let that fear go though because at least the only escape route from his bedroom was through the front door and that would lead Blaine past the kitchen where he could intervene. Having something to do took his mind off a lot of things actually and helped him find a centre again. There was just a comfort in the familiarity of moving around the small, homey, kitchen to fill the kettle and to gather the mugs and tea bags. He busied himself with putting away the clean dishes, stacked in the drying rack, while he waited for the water to boil. It helped to keep his mind away from the impending conversation in which there was a real possibility that he might have to say goodbye to the boy who mattered most in this world.

Once the tea was made, Kurt made his way slowly to his room, careful to steady his hands that had been a shaky mess earlier in order to keep the hot, amber coloured liquid in the mugs. He was also irrationally fearful that any quick and unanticipated movement on his part could send Blaine running and leave him devastated and alone.

When he made it to his room he found Blaine sitting stiffly on the very edge of his bed. His back was upright and his shoulders were tensed and his hands were resting awkwardly on his thighs. The cold posture was worrying because it was so far from the extreme comfort they had reached before he had left for New York where Blaine had felt at completely at home in his bedroom and after sending him up there while he fetched snacks, Kurt frequently found him cuddled amongst his pillows and teddy bear.

There was hope in his eyes though as there was a warmth and softness to their gaze where it was directed at the picture of the two of them form junior prom on his night stand. It was like Blaine was transfixed in the happy memory, longing so much to be back in that picture that his mind wandered completely away from the present and hadn't even noticed Kurt had walked in.

Looking at the picture, Kurt couldn't help but also remember that he had almost not taken it with him because he hadn't been sure if he could have taken the title of boyfriend with him. They had made it through that rough patch though and it had meant the world to Kurt to know that as he embarked on this thrilling and yet incredibly daunting chapter of his life, that there someone back home who would always support and be proud him.

He decided that this was something that Blaine needed to hear and probably the best way to bring him back to the unsettling reality.

"That was probably the best night of my life, you know," he said softly, hoping to ease Blaine gently from his fantasy instead of jarring him. "As much as I had wanted to be a normal teenager with a normal high school romance – and I wanted it so badly – I had resigned myself to the fact that I was just too different for that to be possible. I had even complained about it to my dad once and he basically told me that I just had to suck it up until I found someone as brave as I was but going to school with a nations worth of cowards… And then you appeared and I thought it was too good to be true but you just kept living up to everything I had always imagined. You took me to prom," he continued, a quality to his voice that was both wistful and awed. "And you _danced _with me and you were _so _brave for doing so to simply make me smile. It was amazing Blaine. _You_ were amazing and you continue to amaze me every day."

Blaine didn't say anything but turned to look at him and Kurt took it as his cue to walk fully into the room. He handed Blaine a mug before taking his own seat against the pillows propped at the head of his bed. Though his posture remained stiff, Blaine seemed to sip his tea gratefully, if only to have something to have something to do with his hands or a distraction for his mind.

"I love you, Blaine. It's impossible not to after everything you've given me, including to strength to move here. I think the biggest thing you've given me though is trust. That used to be unbelievably hard for me. Through that trust I've been able to really _know _you and what I found made me fall even farther and even harder. You're… inspiring. You're so smart and sweet and although you can be perfectly dapper and gentlemanly, you can also be this incredibly excitable puppy because you just love so much and refuse to care what anyone thinks. And you have the most amazing quarks. Like your gorgeous hair that hide under an oil field of gel and your bowties. I can't see a bowtie without thinking of you. You've also got a flawless voice and you're a born performer. Your stage presence is unbelievable and you don't know how incredibly lucky I feel to know that you're my leading man."

"That's the problem. I don't know. Not anymore," Blaine admitted quietly, looking down into his mug.

"What?" Kurt asked incredulously.

"I just… it doesn't feel like care anymore. About me."

"What do you mean?" Kurt asked carefully.

"You rarely answer my calls and when you do, it seems like you're not really listening to anything I'm saying. Like I don't matter anymore. And I get that New York is exciting and important and a dream come true. I was worried about it last year because I get it. You promised me you wouldn't forget about me though and I trusted you so much that I believed you. That's what makes it hurt so much and I just can't keep doing it. I can't keep listening to you gush about your new life while you leave me behind in your old one."

"Blaine, I-I had no idea," Kurt stuttered.

"Yeah," Blaine nodded dejectedly. "I know."

"When I don't answer your calls it's because I'm busy with work. This is like a _real_ job that I love and I don't want to jeopardize it 'cause I'm on the phone. I promise you it's to because I don't want to talk to you," he tried to explain.

"No, and I get that and I don't want you to jeopardize it either so that would be fine if it when you did pick up you actually seemed happy to talk to me. You don't though. After the initial hello I either feel like I've interrupted something that you're dying to get back to or the conversation is all about you. It's like it doesn't matter that it's me you're talking to. It could be anyone on the other end and the entire conversation would be the same because you don't bother to find out about how my life is going. You know, how I'm in this still relatively new school where I don't really have a lot of real friends."

"Blaine, everybody loves you," he said softly.

"Well yeah, everyone's nice and all but I don't have any real friends. I don't really hang out with any of them because last year we just spent all our time together so it's like I'm starting from scratch here. I'm not mad at you for me transferring though," he added quickly. "This isn't about that at all. I'm still really happy we got to spend last year together. This is about… just…"

"Okay," Kurt nodded quickly, to assure Blaine that he understood. He was a small bit of relief that at least the fire wasn't too far spread. "Okay. So it's about me ignoring you and making you feel like you don't belong in my new life?" He asked even though he found the words impossibly difficult to say. It was like he had consciously force his mouth to form and say those exact words. He didn't even know why. Maybe it was because he himself hadn't noticed he had been doing any of this or maybe it was because it was hard to admit that he had caused Blaine this much pain.

Blaine just nodded in response. He didn't look as if there was any strength left in him to say anything else. He was still sitting tall and stiffly but there was something very small and vulnerable about it.

"Okay. Well regardless of how I made you feel – I know that's important but I just want to tell you right now – my life, no matter where I lived or what I was doing, wouldn't be complete without you. It's not about making room for you, you're a permanent fixture and I guess I've been taking that for granted but it's true."

"Do you want me to be though?" Blaine asked and Kurt swore he heard his crack. "Because sometimes I feel like I'm just your lame high school boyfriend who's hold you back."

"Holding me back from what though? I'm doing everything I've wanted. I agree that it sucks that you're still in high school but only because that makes it hard to see you and it brought us here but I don't blame you. It's not because I'm embarrassed of you or don't think you're good enough. And it's only a year. This won't be forever. And honestly, Blaine, sometimes I kinda like that you're still in high school. Even though I'm older, I've always felt younger when I'm with you. You always seemed to be taking care of _me _or giving _me _advice and although I've always really appreciated it and it's been one of the things that made me fall in love with you, sometimes I feel like I'm not doing my share. And, I don't know, but living here, away from home kinda just emphasises that I _am_ older and I _can _be your shoulder to lean on sometimes. I haven't been doing a very good job but that doesn't mean I can't fix it. Here," he offered hesitantly setting his mug down on his bedside table and opening his arms to Blaine. He had no idea how Blaine would react and he bit down on the inside of his cheek in preparation for a very possible rejection.

Blaine hesitated at the offer, his eyes carefully scanning Kurt's body as if looking for the trap that would pull him back into the dark depths that he had only just worked up the courage to escape from. Kurt simply allowed him to think though. As much as he wanted to ease Blaine's troubled mid, pumping him with assuring words clouded in cliché would only lead to a rash decision that might not reflect what Blaine truly wanted. Whatever Blaine's decision, they both needed it to be final and honest. It would be too hard to go through all this again. And so Kurt held his breath and sat patient with what he hoped was a warm expression on his face.

He didn't exhale until he was forced to by the weight of Blaine's head pillowing into his chest.

"So you'll let me fix this?" he asked quietly, reveling in the smell of raspberry that was closer than it had been in months.

"Yeah," Blaine nodded, snuggling closer with very careful movements but snuggling no less. "I should have let you from the start. I'm sorry."

"No," Kurt protested. "I'm the one who has to apologise here." He paused to gather himself as tears threatened again. This time they were a mix of relief and fear of what he might have caused. "I will fix this, Blaine. I promise. I'm so sorry."

**A/N: alrighty, well so reading this back, idk, it kinda feels pointless. I think I just missed writing since finishing my multi chapter fic a few weeks ago and I've had this in my head since spoilers came out while they were filming the episode last season. I convinced myself that this was what was going to happen. Like everyone else would break up except klaine b/c they seemed strong enough to work it through. And on the note of being strong, I think blaine would have gone to kurt first before the eli thing and so the cheating would've never happened but yeah… **


End file.
